The hot wind comes out of the north
The tinnies resting in a bed of ice
The cricket match is just starting
Every year they gather going into battle
The Boldens against the Harpers
Playing for the Darwin Stubby

Bloody Catholics Bert Bolden muttered
The Harpers had bloody kids everywhere
Boldens had just enough for eight players
They haven't won the stubby for three years
But this year they had a secret weapon
A strategy to take them into the second innings

What the bloody hell is this came the call
From the Bolden side of the yard
A couple of the Bayles boys joined
Their in laws, the Boldens, for the game
Steve standing with a stubby in his hand
He looked like he'd been poisoned

This is bigger than the bloody Ashes
You've gotta be fair dinkum
This year they are gonna get pissed
While we enjoy ourselves with light beer
Ya better have some bloody big steak for me
This bloody poofter beer will kill me

The stumps were near the back fence
Enough room for the wicket keeper
The peach tree in slips full of fruit
Dropping peaches rotting on the ground
Made three catches last year
And bruised many fielder's head

Joe Harper ran in from the tank stand
While bloody George started at the gate
Fair dinkum wasn't the word for it
Bouncers, full tosses a flying stubby
Kids and dogs chasing after the ball
This went on for two long hours

Each team had batted twice by four
The barbie filled the back yard
With the smell of cooking meat
Steak chops and sausages sizzled
Piles of onions and a few eggs
The players settled in for a feed

After the feed and a few more stubbies
It was time for the presentation
The man of the match award
An autographed photo of Merv Hughes
With 28 runs, two catches and a wicket
Jenny Harper outplayed all the boys

Rightio you blokes Grandma Bolden started
It's time for the scores Jenny and I
Have counted them a coupla times
Us Boldens won the first innings
While you Harpers won the second
Yelling and cheering from each side

Come on Grandma who won the bloody game
Don't talk to your grandma like that
You bloody little mongrel said Merv
Tossing a stubby at a ducking head
It was on Boldens against Harpers
The fight lasted 20 minutes

The ladies watched drinking tea
Eating sandwiches and laughing
Egos bruised, eyes blackened
Not much real damage done
Bloody hell Joe that was our best fight
Except that idiot son o' mine clocked me

After the dust had settled Grandma started
While you blokes were dancing
We counted the scores again - we were right
The Boldens made 104 and the Harpers made 104
Bloody hell you bastards it's a bloody draw
Hand me a beer boy gotta train for next year



Backyard Cricket